Depression and other kinds of emotional distress can knock you down and keep you flat. When crawling through this fog of hopelessness and despair, it’s often tough to visualize what’s ahead.
People in pain — physical or emotional — generally want to do whatever they can to stop that pain. If you can’t see any clear path to improving your situation, suicide might seem like the only method of relief.
First, know there’s no shame in suicidal thoughts. It’s normal to want to stop hurting. It’s also common to feel irritable — even resentful — when people with good intentions try to tell you why suicide isn’t the answer.
When you’ve reached your limit, it doesn’t mean much to hear:
- “You have so much to live for.”
- “So many people care about you.”
- “Tomorrow’s a new day.”
As someone who’s experienced both mental health crises and suicidal thoughts, I know firsthand how empty and meaningless these words can seem.
My own experiences guided me to a career in mental health writing and inspired me to become a text crisis counselor. I’ve been where you are now. I know how it feels. And I know how much it matters to hear from someone who really does get it.
Just a few years ago, I thought about suicide often. I didn’t have a concrete plan, but the idea was always simmering on the back burner. It took time, effort, and therapy, but eventually those thoughts quieted. Eventually, they disappeared entirely.
I believe they will for you, too. But I also know that might not seem like reason enough to live right now, so I’ll give you a few other things to keep in mind.
I’ve spoken to people in crisis who truly believed no one cared about them, making them feel ashamed or afraid to open up. This just made them withdraw even more.
It may seem like everyone has their own preoccupations keeping them busy. In reality, people often just don’t know what’s going on in your head. But if they did, chances are they’d be more than happy to lend a listening ear or help you find the support you need.
If talking to people you know feels too difficult, you can still talk to someone who cares and wants to help:
- Text HOME to 741741 to get in touch with a trained counselor who can help you navigate an immediate crisis.
- If you already have a suicide plan in mind, text a crisis counselor or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
These resources are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, at no cost.
Hotlines can be a lifesaving tool, but they’re not for everyone. Luckily, they aren’t your only option.
When you’re in the middle of a crisis, that’s usually the only thing you can see.
Again, the desire to avoid pain is completely normal. And when you feel consumed by it, suicide often seems like the most efficient way to get relief.
You might feel pretty bleak right now, but note those key words:“right now.”
This is a prime example of tunnel vision — or the tendency to only see one possible outcome in a given situation. The problem with tunnel vision is that it lies.
Whether you’re lonely, facing abuse, about to become jobless or homeless, or anything else, no situation is impossible. There may be solutions you just can’t see yet, and that’s why it’s so important to give yourself some time.
Once you get out of crisis mode (easier said than done, I know), possibilities you haven’t considered may present themselves.
Here, too, an outside perspective can help, whether it comes from a close friend or a mental health professional.
In a crisis, you might feel trapped because you don’t see any way out. You might think you’ve blown your chance to have the life you wanted or permanently lost a friendship that really mattered to you.
Thoughts of suicide often stem from desperation and helplessness, but these feelings don’t have to be permanent states of being.
When your emotions threaten to overwhelm you, get some distance by focusing on the facts instead.
Here are two important ones to start with:
- Emotions aren’t permanent. No matter how isolated, hopeless, angry, or lost you feel right now, you won’t always feel that way. Emotions come and go, and you can learn how to better manage them.
- Situations can change. Maybe you messed up or made the wrong choice. But continuing your life gives you the power to take back control over the circumstances and improve them.
The key thing to remember is this: As long as you’re alive, you have the chance to make changes, learn from the past, and grow as a person.
Many people dealing with suicidal thoughts believe life lacks meaning or see themselves as a burden.
Perhaps you live with physical or mental health symptoms that affect your quality of life. Or maybe you have a hard time recognizing what’s gone right — or even well — in your life.
Giving up can feel easier when life seems pointless. But just as pain keeps you from seeing solutions, it can also pull the joy and significance from the things that used to matter.
Your life does have meaning, though. Challenge yourself to discover this meaning — or create it for yourself. It may not be large or earth-shattering, but it’s still there. Consider skills, abilities, and other things you take pride in. Think about your connections with others or goals you once had.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to ride a horse, take a road trip, or visit the desert. Or perhaps there’s a book or music album you’ve been waiting for, or even another season of your favorite show. No reason is too small.
Pets provide meaning, too. My cat was one of the main reasons I never fully gave up, and it wasn’t just because he made my days a bit brighter. I worried about what would happen to him if I died, since it’s not always easy to find good homes for senior cats with health issues and behavior quirks.
It’s common to lash out when you’re struggling, to do or say things you don’t mean. The pain you cause can make you believe the people you hurt are better off without you, which can intensify suicidal thinking.
But consider this: They wouldn’t feel hurt if they didn’t care. Let this be proof that they care, and let it give you strength to apologize, make amends, or work on repairing the friendship.
Try opening up about the darkness you’re feeling. Not everyone knows anger and irritability often show up as a symptom of depression or other mental health conditions.
Maybe you’re feeling so miserable because you made a huge mistake you know you can’t repair. You might see yourself as a terrible person. This remorse you feel, however, suggests the opposite: “Bad” people typically don’t care when they hurt others.
For me, suicide was a last-ditch “get out of life” card I kept in my back pocket. When I made too many mistakes, when no one wanted to be around me any longer, when the mess I made of my life was too big to clean up, I would reassure myself I could just end it.
But the longer I put it off, the more clearly I could see how to repair those mistakes and make better choices going forward. Those goals gave me a purpose, something to work toward, and noticing my own growth gave me even more strength to keep going.
Everyone messes up sometimes, and feeling bad about your mistakes shows you want to do better.
Giving yourself the chance to repair your mistakes allows you to prove you can, in fact, do better — even if you’re just proving that to yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the first one you’ll want to mend, after all.
You’ll often hear suicide described as a permanent solution to temporary struggles.
I don’t love this description, because not all problems are temporary. Time doesn’t erase your experiences or change events. If you’ve lost a loved one or experienced trauma, you’ll continue to carry that grief.
My lowest point came after a serious breakup. My ex no longer wanted to talk to me, though I was still completely in love with him. I was so distressed, I couldn’t envision any future happiness for myself.
A lot of my feelings stemmed from my own dependency and the fact that the relationship itself wasn’t terribly healthy. I’ve since moved on and developed other fulfilling, healthy relationships, but I still carry that reminder of pain and loss. The difference lies in how I’ve learned to manage those feelings.
Things really will improve, though you’ll probably have to work at it. Your future may look a little different from what you envisioned, since not all damage can be repaired.
But even when you can’t repair the damage, your experiences can still lead you to a rewarding future. The only catch? You have to give life a chance to surprise you.
Life takes courage. Period.
It’s scary to live with unknowns, to wake up each day unsure of what it holds. Considering all the possibilities and potential pitfalls that lie ahead can terrify you into never taking a step.
But the truth is, you just don’t know what lies ahead. No one does. Things might get worse — but they could easily get better. Considering challenges you might face allows you to plan for them.
If your fear of the future tries to take over, consider this instead: Each day ahead is a possibility, a lump of clay you can mold. Your choices help shape the clay. You can do things differently and maintain power over your fears, and a therapist can help you take the first steps.
And finally, hold on because you matter. However low you’re feeling, remember this.
Life — and people — can always change, and you deserve another chance. Your life deserves another chance.
When you look back a few years down the line (because you will make it through this moment), you might find it hard to recall exactly how unhappy you were. Your experience with the dark and ugly aspects of life will help you notice light and beauty more easily — and give you more capacity to enjoy them.
There’s still hope, as long as you’re still here. So, stay here. Keep learning. Keep growing. You’ve got this.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
FAQs
How does 988 work? ›
Anyone who needs suicide or mental health-related crisis support, or who has a loved one in crisis, can connect with a trained counselor by calling, chatting, or texting 988 (as long as the caller has telephone, cellular or internet services available to them).
What does the suicide hotline say to you? ›After dialing 1-800-273-8255, you will hear the following automated message: "You have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also servicing the Veterans service line. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we're here to help.
What happens when you call 1-800-273-8255? ›If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.
Is the yellow ribbon for suicide? ›The Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program (YRSPP) is a suicide prevention program based in the United States, and aimed in particular at teenagers. The program is run by the Yellow Ribbon non-profit. YRSPP uses a yellow ribbon with a heart to encourage awareness about suicide / suicide prevention.
What defines attempted suicide? ›A suicide attempt is when someone harms themselves with any intent to end their life, but they do not die as a result of their actions.
Can you call 911 for suicidal thoughts? ›If you're at risk of harm or think someone else is in danger and you need help right now, call 911. Coping With Suicidal Thoughts is a good resource to help you understand and manage difficult feelings.
What is considered a mental health crisis? ›A mental health crisis is any situation in which a person's actions, feelings, and behaviors can lead to them hurting themselves or others, and/or put them at risk of being unable to care for themselves or function in the community in a healthy manner.
Do suicidal thoughts cause anxiety? ›Suicidal thoughts and actions are typically discussed in relation to depression, but a number of studies have suggested suicide may also be linked to anxiety disorders. Anxiety disorders often co-occur with depression, and this may be masking a risk of suicide specifically related to anxiety.
Can someone be depressed and not suicidal? ›Call 800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433) or 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) -- or the deaf hotline at 800-799-4889. Most people who suffer from clinical depression do not attempt suicide.
Can I call suicide hotline if Im not suicidal? ›It's important to know that you can, and should, call or text a hotline (formally known in the U.S. as Lifeline) even if you're not suicidal but are experiencing emotional distress.
What is 988 phone number? ›
Today, “988” is the three-digit, nationwide phone number to connect directly to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. By calling or texting 988, you'll connect with mental health professionals with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Is suicide ideation normal? ›Suicidal ideation is a symptom for many mental disorders and can occur in response to adverse life events without the presence of a mental disorder. There are several psychiatric disorders that appear to be comorbid with suicidal ideation or considerably increase the risk of suicidal ideation.
How we can stop suicide? ›Evidence shows that providing support services, talking about suicide, reducing access to means of self-harm, and following up with loved ones are just some of the actions we can all take to help others.
Where do you take someone who is suicidal? ›For immediate help
If someone has attempted suicide: Don't leave the person alone. Call 911 or your local emergency number right away. Or, if you think you can do so safely, take the person to the nearest hospital emergency room yourself.
Suicidal feelings can mean having abstract thoughts about ending your life or feeling that people would be better off without you. Or it can mean thinking about methods of suicide or making clear plans to take your own life.
What is a hope box? ›A hope box (or a whatever-you'd-like-to-call-it box) is a place to put special memory items or little trinkets, such as photos of an important day, concert or train tickets, gifts or notes that friends or family have given, or even receipts for things you'd like to remember enjoying.
What to do when someone is suicidal and refuses help? ›Reach out to your own support system. Talk to another friend or family member. Text START to 741-741 or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a free, confidential conversation with a trained counselor. These counselors can support you and offer advice on how to help your friend.
What happens if you text a suicide hotline? ›So, what does happen when you call/text a crisis line? After you text BRAVE to the Crisis Text Line at 741741, a trained crisis counselor will receive it and respond within minutes. Then, the crisis counselor will help you de-escalate your situation and connect you to help locally.
What groups of people are at risk of suicide? ›Adults Over the Age of 45
Eighty percent of all deaths by suicide in the U.S. are among men and women age 45-54. Men ages 85 and older have the highest rate of any group in the country. Many factors contribute to this risk, including isolation, a history of violence, and access to lethal means.
Risk Factors
Prior suicide attempt(s) Misuse and abuse of alcohol or other drugs. Mental disorders, particularly depression and other mood disorders. Access to lethal means.
How to get mental help ASAP? ›
If you are in crisis, please seek help immediately.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org . Text MHA to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line . Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
In crisis and need to talk to someone? We're here for you. Text HOME to 741741 to reach a volunteer Crisis Counselor.
How not to feel worthless? ›Speak Kindly to Yourself
People who feel worthless often engage in negative thinking and self-talk. It may be challenging at first, but focus on treating yourself with kindness. When you notice negative self-talk, look for ways that you can reframe those thoughts in a more positive or realistic way.
Seek immediate assistance if you think your friend or family member is in danger of harming themselves. You can call a crisis line or the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you think your friend or family member is in need of community mental health services you can find help in your area.
How many people does one suicide affect? ›For each suicide, our data estimate that 135 people are exposed to the death, resulting in 5.5 million U.S. residents exposed to suicide in a given 12-month period. The current study was drawn from a single U.S. state with the fifteenth highest suicide rate in the United States.
What is a suicide screening? ›A suicide risk screening can help find out how likely it is that someone will try to take their own life. During most screenings, a provider will ask some questions about behavior and feelings. There are specific questions and guidelines that providers can use. These are known as suicide risk assessment tools.
What to do when you are depressed and suicidal? ›Call a crisis hotline, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. Text HOME to the Crisis Textline at 741741. If you feel you're at immediate risk, reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or healthcare professional.
When to call crisis line? ›If you or someone you know talks about suicide, self-harm, a mental health crisis, a substance use crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress, get help right away. You can: Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
What to do when someone is in mental crisis? ›If possible, take him or her to the emergency room for urgent attention. Contact a doctor or a crisis/suicide prevention hotline: Call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They have skilled staff and counselors available to speak with you confidentially 24/7/365.
Who to call for mental health emergency? ›If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day.
What is a Crisis Text Line? ›
The Crisis Text Line. The Crisis Text Line is the only 24/7, nationwide crisis-intervention text-message hotline. The Crisis Text Line can be reached by texting HOME to 741-741.
Does having suicidal thoughts mean you have depression? ›Suicidal ideation is one of the symptoms of both major depression and the depression found in bipolar disorder, but it may also occur in people with other mental illnesses or no mental illness at all.
How to Talk to a suicide hotline? ›Dial 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1 to talk to someone or send a text message to 838255 to connect with a VA responder. You can also start a confidential online chat session at Veterans Crisis Chat.
What are protective factors suicide? ›A protective factor is a characteristic or attribute that reduces the likelihood of attempting or completing suicide. Protective factors are skills, strengths, or resources that help people deal more effectively with stressful events. They enhance resilience and help to counterbalance risk factors.